What do you do to get out of a negative mindset?
I don’t know what to do. I’ve been slowly but surely sinking lower and lower into a negative state of being. It makes me not want to do anything, it makes me think I can’t do anything, and I feel as though the little I am doing doesn’t matter. I fought my whole life to get to where I’m at. I left the abusive home. I survived the torment. I rose against the opposition. I made it to scad. sigh, I remember when I first arrived at scad, I was so hopeful an full of life. Everything was bright and steaming with possibilities…and then reality hit.
I started working for my school and saw how under appreciated the workers were. People came and went, no one stayed more than 2 years. An ever revolving door. I saw how the student body lacked school spirit, I thought I could help. So I pitched my ideas to the vice president, the dean, and director of student life. It was one of my proudest moments. They loved my ideas, they were all approved. In the summer I was able to put my idea of a scadvenger hunt into fruition. It was a success. Later that year the director stole my event. He used it as his own. So I went a different route and became president of the poetry club. I made to club go from 2 members to 30 at one point. It was awesome. I created Open Mic Night, a valentines gala, a carnival ball, pajama jam. The Open mic had 160+ attendees and I won 2 awards for it. But I was tired. Exhausted. School + Work + Clubs. It was draining. But at least I had a little help. Now I basically have none. I plan, advertise, and host myself. Last night was the worst Open Mic in the history of me starting it. I was so disappointed.
Though not as disappointed as I am about my music. Sigh musically no one will help me create an ep. They say they will and then they don’t. I have no knowledge of how it all works. I keep trying to depend on others but it results in nothing happening at all. Doing it by myself at least something gets done, No its not great but at least its something…right? No not really. The quality of my recording sucks and I cant create tracks of my own so I do covers or write my own to existing beats. I worked with a band but they were unprofessional, they didn’t even practice my songs for my event. So I’m alone and its frustrating because I only do ok, good work by myself and I want to do extraordinary work.
I know they say not to, but I don’t know how else to feel. I have a friend he believes so strongly in his ideas and path. He’s doing amazingly well. I’ve lost my fight and I don’t know how to get it back. I want to be positive again and energized no matter what. but instead I’m laying here writing out my negative thoughts.
how do I change my mindset?
-wakeupmomo
Wakeupmomo 